Parenting teens.
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a fire (hell) whose fuel is men and stones!(Surah At-Tahreem, verse no.6)
Adolescence or more commonly known as the teens is that stage in a person’s life where he is in a state between puberty and adulthood. After the first two years in a child’s life, this is the only other stage where a significant growth spurt occurs. This in turn brings about a lot of physical and emotional changes in a child. At such a crucial point in his life, the child needs almost as much attention as he needs during the first two years of his life. The nature of the attention changes though.
Unfortunately the problems start when most parents fail to realize this need of their child. The most common mistake most parents make is that they tend to reduce or sometimes completely let go the need to guide the child. According Dr Ron Taffel, a very prominent psychologist:
“Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It's about hanging on during a very bumpy ride.”
Most teen parents complain about “not being able to communicate much”, “he doesn’t listen to us”, “she doesn’t share anything with me”etc.
Maryam an educated full time mom shares that:
“The biggest problem I face with my teenagers is a communication gap along with rebelliousness, disobedience and emotional outbursts.”
Maryams’s problems are common to numerous other teen parents. The root of all problems being the sudden communication void which triggers of a chain of other misunderstandings and behavioral problems.
According to Dr.Umme Kulsoom specialist in women and child healthcare this evil can be nipped in the bud if we:
“Become good listeners, Learn to listen, listen to all the gibberish your child wants to share never snub him/her. This helps in building a lasting friendship between the parent and the child which he carries into his teen years.”
Creating a balance between the ever changing emotional states of the body with the physical state during adolescence becomes quite difficult for the child alone. Parents can quite easily prevent the formation of an unbalanced personality by just providing the right environment at home.
If the child has a loving and friendly environment at his home he/she will never look for solutions outside. Discussing things help. Discussing the physical and emotional changes at puberty with them as each stage comes along is vital. This will save them the trouble to seek solutions elsewhere.
“tell them because if you don’t someone else will, its better that you tell them what is right and how everything really is in Islam rather then ignoring it because sooner or later they will find out from somewhere else and that view might misguide them.” says Memoona, a teacher at an Islamic school.
The women of the Ansaar at the time of the prophet Muhammad (saw) never shyed away from asking the most personal of questions regarding Taharah because they wanted to know the right way of doing it according to Islam.
Give them time. Be there for them. Set an example. If the children see the parents observing all the basic teachings of Islam they will follow suit sooner or later.
“I have come to the realization that the importance of religious education is tremendous. Nothing else works other than the moral sense which comes out of the fear of God.” Shares Faiza a teacher and mother to three teen boys.
The Quran, books on Seerah and etiquettes should be made handy around the home. Introduce the culture of book reading at home so that sharing and face to face interaction takes place. This will bring you and the child closer. Giving the child better and Islamic alternatives on the modern media like the TV and the internet also helps. The most vital aspect during all these activities is the amount of involvement, supervision and sharing the parent has with the child.
The recent surge of modern technology and media has made access to information and communication instant without any discrimination or boundaries between what is right and what is wrong. The direct result of this development is widespread obscenity and destruction of family values. Parents should become highly alert about the amount of exposure their kid has to such media like the internet, cable TV, mobile phones and Ipods etc. Extreme caution and supervision should be practiced while deciding to introduce your teen to such gadgets. Don’t give in to peer pressure. Alternatives are always there, solutions are always there. Most parents become content after laying the blame on society without even trying. Indeed the social setup in most muslim countries is not so desirable but Allah (swt )says:
“O you who believe! take care of your own selves. If you follow the guidance no hurt can come to you from those who are in error.” (Surah Al-Maidah, verse no 105.)
George R.Holmes, in his book “Helping teenagers into adulthood: a guide for the next generation” elucidates that:
“Its important for a teenager to be given as much responsibility as early as he or she can accept it-----it promotes a sense of being trusted, a sense of being mature and gives one an increase in self esteem. When people are ignored or indulged or must have things done for them, they find themselves inept and inadequate in the world and usually very, very angry.”
Devising and assigning different tasks to teens at home helps them to become more responsible and keeps them occupied, leaving less or no time at all for passive activities like watching TV, playing video games or chatting. Mothers can involve their daughters and sons both in doing different household chores by assigning duties like filling up the water bottles, throwing out the trash, washing the dishes or ironing the clothes.
Watching informative programmes on the TV as a family, cooking together on the weekends, playing mind games, discussing books, studying the holy Quran together with your child twice a week and going to the mosque for daily prayers are all positive activities and good alternatives to modern day technology which tends to make the children more passive then active.
All these positive steps and activities help in forming a very smooth transition from a teenager to an adult.
Allah (swt) in the Holy Quran relates to us the effects of Salat (prayer):
“And perform As-Salat. Verily, As-Salat prevents from Al-Fahsha and Al-Munkar(great obscenity and evil deeds). Surah Al-Ankabut, verse no 45.
Encouraging your child to pray and ask Allah (swt) for guidance and knowledge, this will help the child in discovering the truth about life and figuring out his aim in life.
If some unacceptable habit or event comes into your notice which concerns your teen then don’t panic or get angry. Patience is the only virtue that can guarantee success. Patience, love and prayers with consistent effort are the most effective tools to deal with your teens.
Our beloved prophet once said:
“The best (things) that a human being can leave behind are three: a righteous child who will pray for him, a continuing charity whose reward reaches him, and knowledge which benefits those who come after him.”
(Sahih muslim, vol.3, p.867, no.4005
Adolescence or more commonly known as the teens is that stage in a person’s life where he is in a state between puberty and adulthood. After the first two years in a child’s life, this is the only other stage where a significant growth spurt occurs. This in turn brings about a lot of physical and emotional changes in a child. At such a crucial point in his life, the child needs almost as much attention as he needs during the first two years of his life. The nature of the attention changes though.
Unfortunately the problems start when most parents fail to realize this need of their child. The most common mistake most parents make is that they tend to reduce or sometimes completely let go the need to guide the child. According Dr Ron Taffel, a very prominent psychologist:
“Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It's about hanging on during a very bumpy ride.”
Most teen parents complain about “not being able to communicate much”, “he doesn’t listen to us”, “she doesn’t share anything with me”etc.
Maryam an educated full time mom shares that:
“The biggest problem I face with my teenagers is a communication gap along with rebelliousness, disobedience and emotional outbursts.”
Maryams’s problems are common to numerous other teen parents. The root of all problems being the sudden communication void which triggers of a chain of other misunderstandings and behavioral problems.
According to Dr.Umme Kulsoom specialist in women and child healthcare this evil can be nipped in the bud if we:
“Become good listeners, Learn to listen, listen to all the gibberish your child wants to share never snub him/her. This helps in building a lasting friendship between the parent and the child which he carries into his teen years.”
Creating a balance between the ever changing emotional states of the body with the physical state during adolescence becomes quite difficult for the child alone. Parents can quite easily prevent the formation of an unbalanced personality by just providing the right environment at home.
If the child has a loving and friendly environment at his home he/she will never look for solutions outside. Discussing things help. Discussing the physical and emotional changes at puberty with them as each stage comes along is vital. This will save them the trouble to seek solutions elsewhere.
“tell them because if you don’t someone else will, its better that you tell them what is right and how everything really is in Islam rather then ignoring it because sooner or later they will find out from somewhere else and that view might misguide them.” says Memoona, a teacher at an Islamic school.
The women of the Ansaar at the time of the prophet Muhammad (saw) never shyed away from asking the most personal of questions regarding Taharah because they wanted to know the right way of doing it according to Islam.
Give them time. Be there for them. Set an example. If the children see the parents observing all the basic teachings of Islam they will follow suit sooner or later.
“I have come to the realization that the importance of religious education is tremendous. Nothing else works other than the moral sense which comes out of the fear of God.” Shares Faiza a teacher and mother to three teen boys.
The Quran, books on Seerah and etiquettes should be made handy around the home. Introduce the culture of book reading at home so that sharing and face to face interaction takes place. This will bring you and the child closer. Giving the child better and Islamic alternatives on the modern media like the TV and the internet also helps. The most vital aspect during all these activities is the amount of involvement, supervision and sharing the parent has with the child.
The recent surge of modern technology and media has made access to information and communication instant without any discrimination or boundaries between what is right and what is wrong. The direct result of this development is widespread obscenity and destruction of family values. Parents should become highly alert about the amount of exposure their kid has to such media like the internet, cable TV, mobile phones and Ipods etc. Extreme caution and supervision should be practiced while deciding to introduce your teen to such gadgets. Don’t give in to peer pressure. Alternatives are always there, solutions are always there. Most parents become content after laying the blame on society without even trying. Indeed the social setup in most muslim countries is not so desirable but Allah (swt )says:
“O you who believe! take care of your own selves. If you follow the guidance no hurt can come to you from those who are in error.” (Surah Al-Maidah, verse no 105.)
George R.Holmes, in his book “Helping teenagers into adulthood: a guide for the next generation” elucidates that:
“Its important for a teenager to be given as much responsibility as early as he or she can accept it-----it promotes a sense of being trusted, a sense of being mature and gives one an increase in self esteem. When people are ignored or indulged or must have things done for them, they find themselves inept and inadequate in the world and usually very, very angry.”
Devising and assigning different tasks to teens at home helps them to become more responsible and keeps them occupied, leaving less or no time at all for passive activities like watching TV, playing video games or chatting. Mothers can involve their daughters and sons both in doing different household chores by assigning duties like filling up the water bottles, throwing out the trash, washing the dishes or ironing the clothes.
Watching informative programmes on the TV as a family, cooking together on the weekends, playing mind games, discussing books, studying the holy Quran together with your child twice a week and going to the mosque for daily prayers are all positive activities and good alternatives to modern day technology which tends to make the children more passive then active.
All these positive steps and activities help in forming a very smooth transition from a teenager to an adult.
Allah (swt) in the Holy Quran relates to us the effects of Salat (prayer):
“And perform As-Salat. Verily, As-Salat prevents from Al-Fahsha and Al-Munkar(great obscenity and evil deeds). Surah Al-Ankabut, verse no 45.
Encouraging your child to pray and ask Allah (swt) for guidance and knowledge, this will help the child in discovering the truth about life and figuring out his aim in life.
If some unacceptable habit or event comes into your notice which concerns your teen then don’t panic or get angry. Patience is the only virtue that can guarantee success. Patience, love and prayers with consistent effort are the most effective tools to deal with your teens.
Our beloved prophet once said:
“The best (things) that a human being can leave behind are three: a righteous child who will pray for him, a continuing charity whose reward reaches him, and knowledge which benefits those who come after him.”
(Sahih muslim, vol.3, p.867, no.4005
Comments