THE MODERN SKEPTIC

Redefining empowerment for women

Jaabir reported that the Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)said:

“The worshipper whom Allah, Most High, loves most is he who is most beneficial to his family”(Ahmed in Kitaab Uz Zuhad)

The  international focus on women empowerment has made itself felt in Pakistan for quite some time now. One cant help but wonder that after a complete century of struggle for women rights, where does the woman actually stand?  A woman can vote now. She can be the CEO of a big company or the Prime Minister of a country. She can be a world class athlete, a top model, Miss Universe or a famous Actress. All these and much more. What now?
In 1995 Hilary Clinton made a historical speech at the fourth world conference on women in Beijing, where she declared women rights were human rights and went on to assert that:

“What we are learning around the world is that if women are healthy and educated, their families will flourish. If women are free from violence, their families will flourish. If women have a chance to work and earn as full and equal partners in society, their families will flourish. And when families flourish, communities and nations will flourish.”

The essence was that when the family flourishes, the nation will flourish. The paradox is that in reality when women start earning as the full and equal partners of their male counterparts, the family is ruined. The ratio with which the family system is breaking up around the world is alarming. In the US alone there are 13.7 million single moms and dads currently raising their children. Out of which mothers represent 82.6% of all custodial parents. 45% of which are either divorced or separated. (Released by the US census bureau in 2009)
Pakistan has been celebrating women’s day for some years now. A year back, while lamenting on the theme presented by the UN on women’s day Dr Farzana Bari (an expert at gender studies and a women rights activist) speculates:
““Equal rights, equal opportunities: progress for all.” One wonders how to commemorate the day around the theme when rights and opportunities are simply disappearing from the lives of everyone; men, women and children. What progress is there to be claimed for all?”
Coming from an expert such a speculation, is indeed quite distressing but very true. In Pakistan a lot of women have succeeded in achieving financial independence to a large extent but that seems not to be the solution after all. Infact the women in Pakistan are now heading towards the same fate, their western counterparts have met before them. That is the ultimate destruction of the family unit. Where nannies replace mothers and modern media replaces teachers. How then the generations born to such a society can care anything about the family.

What happens is that whenever women empowerment is focused on. The most important aspect of a woman’s life usually her family is completely ignored because feminists make the fundamental mistake of considering the woman just like a man. While the psychological as well as social approach and needs of both the genders with relation to their families is completely different.  There goes equality!(as defined by the feminists)

Quite recently I read an article written by Anne Marie Slaughter. The first woman director of policy planning at the state department of the USA,  titled “Why women still can’t have it all” where she quite candidly confesses her shortcomings at not being able to create a work family balance and gladly not only accepts but appreciates the naturally different approach of women from men regarding work family balance. She says:

“All my life, I’d been on the other side of this exchange. I’d been the woman smiling the faintly superior smile while another woman told me she had decided to take some time out or pursue a less competitive career track so that she could spend more time with her family. I’d been the woman congratulating herself on her unswerving commitment to the feminist cause, chatting smugly with her dwindling number of college or law-school friends who had reached and maintained their place on the highest rungs of their profession. I’d been the one telling young women at my lectures that you can have it all and do it all, regardless of what field you are in. Which means I’d been part, albeit unwittingly, of making millions of women feel that they are to blame if they cannot manage to rise up the ladder as fast as men and also have a family and an active home life (and be thin and beautiful to boot).”

Another unwanted but unavoidable result of empowering the woman feminist style is the creation of a rift between the man and the woman within the basic family unit.   An amateur research conducted by a friend of mine some  years ago for the final thesis of her Masters in clincal psychology yielded some really interesting results one of which was that  for the past two decades the behavioural patterns of men regarding family and social issues have remained constant while the same for women have changed drastically. This could possibly prove to be a good sign only if a more holistic approach towards this empowerment issue is taken and battlefields are not created!
Creating a battlefield between men and women for the attainment of rights would certainly not do! Women have rights, yes! But they also have some duties. Both of these are two sides of the same coin. This problem or rather pandemic has affected both genders equally. The society in general has become very self centered and all everyone wants is their rights. None caring about their duties which in turn are some other person’s rights.

“The reason I cannot relate with what all these NGO’s and women rights activists keep preaching is that I don’t want to fight with anyone as I live in a joint family system. I have problems where I am not always given my right; I want solutions, not publicity. I want help but not at the cost of my family” shares Mehroo, an educated housewife and mother to 4 boys.
The afore mentioned dilemma is not only of the educated woman but of the uneducated working woman as well! The problems for these women have not ended infact empowering women outside the family system has created a whole batch of new problems with in the traditional family system of Pakistan. Deneb Sumbul, writes about a woman maid that:
“Parveen has clearly been told many times that she could always ask the police for help, but until and unless she doesn’t complain against her sons no measures can be taken. Employers have offered their complete help and support by asking her to move into their servant quarter, at least temporarily until her sons mend their ways. But her fear of her sons reign supreme, although she knows her only worth to them is as a breadwinner and nothing more than that.………………….But she is so traumatized and terrorized by her sons that she cannot even accept the help that is offered to her. The law does not recognize a silenced victim.” (The News International, Feb 15 2011)
These women clearly need help, there problem doesn’t seem to be equality. That’s not what they are striving for. They just want peace and security within their families. This again is not the problem of women only but concerns both the genders equally. Empowerment needs to be redefined according to the cultural norms of this country. Making the women rise against their families will just create more problems.
“When suggesting solutions for women issues. Realistic cultural and religious sensitivities should be considered. The family provides a strong support base for every individual and all answers should be sought within even if it requires reconciliation or compromise.” proposes Maryam Sakeenah an educationist and writer.

For the greater benefit of the nation as a whole the need to bridge the growing gap between families is vital. Letting the man and woman grow and excel within their natural boundaries could prove more effective rather then making them compete each other as equals or rivals. A man is a man and a woman is a woman. They are both special in their own way and shouldn’t be compared at all because they are different and so are their capabilities.
According to Dr Bushra. H. Rehman (linguist and communication expert)
“We should have a holistic approach to this issue. Men along with women need to be taught the importance of giving everyone their right! In Pakistan we see two paradigms working on women issues; one is working outside their belief system and the other working within. None of them is effective. The reason is that both exclude the most vital member of this conflict. The Man! One defies him and the other ignores him.”
So one can safely arrive at the conclusion that two things are crucial to the progress of women and their families in this country. First is to work within their religious belief systems and the second to educate both men and women. Only then can there be some hope for the progress of the woman, the family system and ultimately the nation.