Slandering spouses; our unspoken moral dilemmas!
Living in Pakistan one can’t be neutral or in middle of something. We are a people who love going to extremes.
Extravagance at weddings, cricket frenzy, religious extremists , secular extremists, feminist extremists and patriarchal extremists . You name it and we will have an extremist version available !
The institution of marriage is no exception to this attitude either!
Our reliance on Allah subhana wa tallah as Human beings and then as spouses dwindles on our own desires.
As long as it serves their desires, Muslim couples give their partner the benefit of doubt but the instant their own desire or insecurity is challenged regarding reliance on Allah and the bond of Nikah they are led to extremities in their attitudes.
Muslim men and women both cherish their uptight self righteous stances on things they themselves usually don’t believe in nor have proof off.
I am talking about how both normal and prevalent it has become in the Pakistani society for spouses to doubt each other and to call out each other as unfaithful and disloyal in front of their own families and in public.
When such couples come to counselling and are asked separately that are they sure or have they themselves seen? or do they have evidence of their spouses assumed unfaithfulness, they deny being sure and 80 % admit having said all that in anger or height of emotions.
This is the height of our moral depravity and irresponsibility. If such is the condition of our marital relationships than one can assess the condition of our society.
How worse can you get after belying your own spouse and that too in front of your neighbours or friends?
This is not to deny the presence of actual cases of disloyalty or extra marital affairs but rather it’s an attempt to reclaim the rightful space of marital trust and respect that has been invaded with over glamourisation of extra marital affairs through dramas and other media.
Our deen has put up a high penalty for Zina( Adultery). It makes the whole process of punishment extremely sophisticated, involving direct evidence and witnesses of the actual act and even then if someone comes out in open and accepts the sin for punishment in this world then that person also has to be respected for returning to the truth even if that cost them their life!
With such a background to make it a norm on a daily basis to call out on ones spouse as a cheater or haya less during fights is the most despicable of acts ever!
Jokes concerning cheating husbands and wives are circulated amongst the educated depicting how low our standards of humour have fallen!
We are supposed to give the benefit of doubt 70 times with good intention to our Muslim brothers and sisters before actually believing the worst about them! ( that by the way is called husn e zan and a moral obligation on all Muslims). How can one not give this much space to their own spouse?!
To all my sisters and brothers who are quick to reach conclusions: please trust the bond of Nikah. It is what you give to it that makes it strong. If you give doubts, slandering and disrespect then this is what you have sown and this what you shall reap. No one else other than you yourself is to be blamed!
One of the salaf said:
“ if I saw one of my brothers and his beard is dripping alcohol, I would say perhaps it was thrown on him and if I saw him standing on a mountain saying ‘I am your lord, the most high’ I would say he is reciting the verse( 79:24)”
This is the height of well meaning intention towards a fellow Muslim unless one has evidence!
May Allah forgive us and accept our deeds! Ameen!
#havefaith
#surrender
Living in Pakistan one can’t be neutral or in middle of something. We are a people who love going to extremes.
Extravagance at weddings, cricket frenzy, religious extremists , secular extremists, feminist extremists and patriarchal extremists . You name it and we will have an extremist version available !
The institution of marriage is no exception to this attitude either!
Our reliance on Allah subhana wa tallah as Human beings and then as spouses dwindles on our own desires.
As long as it serves their desires, Muslim couples give their partner the benefit of doubt but the instant their own desire or insecurity is challenged regarding reliance on Allah and the bond of Nikah they are led to extremities in their attitudes.
Muslim men and women both cherish their uptight self righteous stances on things they themselves usually don’t believe in nor have proof off.
I am talking about how both normal and prevalent it has become in the Pakistani society for spouses to doubt each other and to call out each other as unfaithful and disloyal in front of their own families and in public.
When such couples come to counselling and are asked separately that are they sure or have they themselves seen? or do they have evidence of their spouses assumed unfaithfulness, they deny being sure and 80 % admit having said all that in anger or height of emotions.
This is the height of our moral depravity and irresponsibility. If such is the condition of our marital relationships than one can assess the condition of our society.
How worse can you get after belying your own spouse and that too in front of your neighbours or friends?
This is not to deny the presence of actual cases of disloyalty or extra marital affairs but rather it’s an attempt to reclaim the rightful space of marital trust and respect that has been invaded with over glamourisation of extra marital affairs through dramas and other media.
Our deen has put up a high penalty for Zina( Adultery). It makes the whole process of punishment extremely sophisticated, involving direct evidence and witnesses of the actual act and even then if someone comes out in open and accepts the sin for punishment in this world then that person also has to be respected for returning to the truth even if that cost them their life!
With such a background to make it a norm on a daily basis to call out on ones spouse as a cheater or haya less during fights is the most despicable of acts ever!
Jokes concerning cheating husbands and wives are circulated amongst the educated depicting how low our standards of humour have fallen!
We are supposed to give the benefit of doubt 70 times with good intention to our Muslim brothers and sisters before actually believing the worst about them! ( that by the way is called husn e zan and a moral obligation on all Muslims). How can one not give this much space to their own spouse?!
To all my sisters and brothers who are quick to reach conclusions: please trust the bond of Nikah. It is what you give to it that makes it strong. If you give doubts, slandering and disrespect then this is what you have sown and this what you shall reap. No one else other than you yourself is to be blamed!
One of the salaf said:
“ if I saw one of my brothers and his beard is dripping alcohol, I would say perhaps it was thrown on him and if I saw him standing on a mountain saying ‘I am your lord, the most high’ I would say he is reciting the verse( 79:24)”
This is the height of well meaning intention towards a fellow Muslim unless one has evidence!
May Allah forgive us and accept our deeds! Ameen!
#havefaith
#surrender
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