On domestic violence
Dont
"Beat me"!
Pakistani women have responded quite strongly to the UN women 'beat me' campaign on the social media. Owning its problems and finding their solutions is the main characteristic of an empowered community. It doesn’t take others to make it realize what’s wrong with it and how to right that wrong.
While the world wants Pakistani women to embrace their 'unbeatable' self. A significant section of Pakistani women can’t relate to this paradoxical innuendo; 'beat me'. This campaign like many others before it tries to break the stereotypes by showing women from different fields of life challenging men to beat them at their specific talent.
The real questions that we need to ask ourselves are: why do we as women need to challenge men, why do we need to compete?. Is the notion of empowerment directly related to a showdown with men? Also how exactly will challenging men help an already violent, intolerant and polarized society?
The underlying purpose of the whole campaign being 'domestic violence' somehow loses its intended objective and instead seems more to focus on a sense of immature and glorified rebellion and competition. Domestic violence is a very sensitive issue. It happens to women usually in a relationship with someone really near them. Someone they love and consider their own. Someone they are vulnerable to. Its very personal at every level. Turning it into a 'bring it on" battle between men and women isn’t very appealing.
Women who suffer from domestic violence come from all backgrounds. Educated and professional are as vulnerable to domestic violence as uneducated and unprofessional. Who then, can actually help these women to realize that suffering for the sake of 'keeping together a family' is not a good enough reason to bear violence. Abusive relationships do not contribute to a society. They destroy the whole social fabric. Generations of men born out of such liaisons end up abusing more women.
Then why exactly do women suffer? Why do women, specially educated and capable women keep on choosing to suffer?
"Every time i have to relate my situation to someone like the police, lawyer, employer etc. They all tend to at one point or the other ask me the same question. "Why didnt you leave him?", well! its not easy. Its difficult to go back to a society which glorifies suffering in the name of patience." Shares a survivor.
We as a society need to come to terms with the fact that violence is not acceptable. That said, it is vital we understand that the best way to help such women survive is to give them another choice. A better choice. Majority women will never end the relationship willingly if given that choice.
A chance at helping the abuser become a better person. Marriage counseling,family and group therapy, rehabilitation programs for spouses with abusive and psychologically challenged behaviour. This and a lot more can help save many families. Sadly, many families ignore the possibility of working together and denouncing the violence they witness. They consider it a husband and wife issue. Whereas NO abuse of human rights should be left alone. It has effects far and wide on the family and the society thus both need to wake up and take care of such issues swiftly on their own. They should intervene without shame or guilt and reach out to the victim as well as the abuser as soon as they are called upon or become aware of violence. This can help many a women to survive and retain their relationships, giving the abuser a chance to mend his ways.
In case a reconciliation is not desired, the woman has complete right to leave an abusive relationship. Every strong society has its basis in a strong family system. The very essence of a strong family lies in the complimentarity between its men and women. When men and women together stand up to abusive people in their own families and outnumber them. When men and women decide to stop assisting the abuser by ignoring and start helping him/her by intervention to become a better person only then can we ‘beat’ violence!
Pakistani women have responded quite strongly to the UN women 'beat me' campaign on the social media. Owning its problems and finding their solutions is the main characteristic of an empowered community. It doesn’t take others to make it realize what’s wrong with it and how to right that wrong.
While the world wants Pakistani women to embrace their 'unbeatable' self. A significant section of Pakistani women can’t relate to this paradoxical innuendo; 'beat me'. This campaign like many others before it tries to break the stereotypes by showing women from different fields of life challenging men to beat them at their specific talent.
The real questions that we need to ask ourselves are: why do we as women need to challenge men, why do we need to compete?. Is the notion of empowerment directly related to a showdown with men? Also how exactly will challenging men help an already violent, intolerant and polarized society?
The underlying purpose of the whole campaign being 'domestic violence' somehow loses its intended objective and instead seems more to focus on a sense of immature and glorified rebellion and competition. Domestic violence is a very sensitive issue. It happens to women usually in a relationship with someone really near them. Someone they love and consider their own. Someone they are vulnerable to. Its very personal at every level. Turning it into a 'bring it on" battle between men and women isn’t very appealing.
Women who suffer from domestic violence come from all backgrounds. Educated and professional are as vulnerable to domestic violence as uneducated and unprofessional. Who then, can actually help these women to realize that suffering for the sake of 'keeping together a family' is not a good enough reason to bear violence. Abusive relationships do not contribute to a society. They destroy the whole social fabric. Generations of men born out of such liaisons end up abusing more women.
Then why exactly do women suffer? Why do women, specially educated and capable women keep on choosing to suffer?
"Every time i have to relate my situation to someone like the police, lawyer, employer etc. They all tend to at one point or the other ask me the same question. "Why didnt you leave him?", well! its not easy. Its difficult to go back to a society which glorifies suffering in the name of patience." Shares a survivor.
We as a society need to come to terms with the fact that violence is not acceptable. That said, it is vital we understand that the best way to help such women survive is to give them another choice. A better choice. Majority women will never end the relationship willingly if given that choice.
A chance at helping the abuser become a better person. Marriage counseling,family and group therapy, rehabilitation programs for spouses with abusive and psychologically challenged behaviour. This and a lot more can help save many families. Sadly, many families ignore the possibility of working together and denouncing the violence they witness. They consider it a husband and wife issue. Whereas NO abuse of human rights should be left alone. It has effects far and wide on the family and the society thus both need to wake up and take care of such issues swiftly on their own. They should intervene without shame or guilt and reach out to the victim as well as the abuser as soon as they are called upon or become aware of violence. This can help many a women to survive and retain their relationships, giving the abuser a chance to mend his ways.
In case a reconciliation is not desired, the woman has complete right to leave an abusive relationship. Every strong society has its basis in a strong family system. The very essence of a strong family lies in the complimentarity between its men and women. When men and women together stand up to abusive people in their own families and outnumber them. When men and women decide to stop assisting the abuser by ignoring and start helping him/her by intervention to become a better person only then can we ‘beat’ violence!
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